Chat , Blogs and I

Most of the times, when I am away from my computer, I feel like blogging a lot. Topics and subjects on which I should be writing flood my mind aplenty.

But, the moment I connect to Internet, I totally forget opening this blog, instead as usual I open YM and get lost with someone online. Not only do I lose my mind but my precious time as well. This habit of mine tests me mostly in trying times.

When I head home from office, I usually have a long list of "to do" items, but reaching home all I do is to connect to I-Net and get connected to world (YM) and get lost with the crowd.

Whenever I try to curb this habit of mine, I feel it tries to overpower me and mostly accomplishes its tasks successfully. After the act, it usually ends up feeling guilty about not doing anything productively.

As usual, I did an autopsy of this habit of mine which started when I was doing my PG. Then,Those days, I used to feel lonely , Moreover,all those subjects and the way subjects were being handled in my departments never interest me.

My classmates over that time were very busy establishing their "Identity" in the department. I felt as if the rush to handle "Identity crisis" immediately. "Identity" was keep hunting and haunting me. There was no place to hide. Besides that back at home, there were problems which need to be addressed. Apart from financial constraints, It was more of peak rivalry between 'brothers and sisters' ( BTW, I have only two younger brothers) for their inheritance. I had to step in to get a possible solution and we did it successfully (atleast it seemed it was OK to do that time).

So all these eventually came on me in the form of "Depression". I was looking for safe heaven and same came in the form of "Internet" in General Library. I must also admit that I was regular in bunking classes and labs. I hardly remember me working in lab more than a month in my entire term in Department. Its not that I am 'dyslexic' , but if you considered in the world of computers, I was and still I am.

'Library Internet' was my "Second life", this is where I started bridging the gap between me and Computer to manageable level. It allowed me to explore myself, stretch myself to the limit. Using Internet effectively (for what purpose?) is one of my objective even today. One of the adventures in Internet was "Getting a chat friend" that too if it was a "Girl" from other country (usually english speaking nation) was a great accomplishment. I had an accomplice who helped in getting to know the details of Internet ( I bought a book on this subject written in my vernacular).

Chatting back then was real fun. I used to talk on various subjects from sex to spiritual (Sex not equal to cybersex,Shall deal with this subject later) with more than 10 people at a time. I sometime wonder,How did I manage 10 people at a time talking in different subjects?. I will be fully concentrating on "Chatting", nothing more nothing less.

Following are some benefits of chatting,

1. Helped hiding my real Identity in the cyber world.

2. No Identity crisis unlike faced in real world.

3. Shelter for my hurt EGO.

4. Improve my Typing and Communication skills.

5. Made few very good friends and well wishers.

6. Helped in opening up myself out of depression. (Beware! It usually doesn't ).

7. Helped in understanding 'Human psychology' (Believe it or not, It did).


Following are some of my losses,

1. Lost lot of my precious TIME.

2. Lost lot of money.

3. Lost Identity (Ironically, Its true, there is identity crisis in cyber world as well).

4. Multiple Personality disorder (Beware! Surely leads to split personality).

5. Not everybody there is going to be REAL friends.

6. Easy to fall a prey of cyber crimes.

Chatting when it becomes a addiction is very difficult to come out unless otherwise with a help of professional counselors/psychiatrists. Someone tend to lead a "Illusionary life", only few escape and understand the ground reality.

Some of the ways in which you can identify, whether you are addicted,

a) Every now and then refresh the chat screen and look for 'online' friends.

b) If you start using "Chat lingos" in E-mails, documents and even in conversation.

c) Urge to be online (on chat) all the times. ( I used to be online 24 * 7 few years back).

d) Always feel like talking to someone. (Hardly you get this someone in real life listening to all
our blabbering.)

And now you know, why I hardly able to Blog. Everytime I pledge, I fail to deliver henceforth I want my fingers do the talking(hehehehe!!).